Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
