Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
