I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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