I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Someone shit on the floor
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
