Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
