I could have mohawked her pubes.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
