Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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