Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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