I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
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