I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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