i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
