What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Randomize
