never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
