She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
