My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
