When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
