Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
50% drunk capacity currently
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
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