I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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