Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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