So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
