The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Say something about gay babies.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
