if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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