Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize