Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
