It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize