Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
