Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
