Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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