my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
