Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Randomize
