We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
