this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
