You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
