do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
