how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
