i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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