You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
