This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
