you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
