And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
