Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize