Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I think your dad took our porno
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
