You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
