I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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