I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
