i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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