I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i think my mom watched the whole time
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
