I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize