Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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