We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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