walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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