She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize