I want you more than these girls want KFC
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
