Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
