We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
