He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
Randomize