i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
