That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
