So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
