So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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