I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
