I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
