Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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