Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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