Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
