I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
