hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
