U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Your mouth is God's brothel.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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