Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Got a toothbrush?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
