What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I need moral support for this bender
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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