do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
