I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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