one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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