I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Randomize
