So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
